Facing the truth
Wanting to be a writer is clearly not enough to become one. And inspiration alone will lead you to nowhere.
Being a writer requires a lot of hard work, commitment and sacrifice. It’s difficult, but not impossible. If you made choices that had nothing to do with writing in your life, it’s even more difficult.
Lately I’ve been reading a very good novel, written by a fellow Tribe Writer: Finding Eliza by Stephanie Pitcher Fishman. In this novel the main character finds out a family secret from an old diary.
This made me think at my diary and at the fact that I haven’t written an entry in more than a year, even if my life has been full of events. So I picked it up, shake off the dust and open it.
I’ve been a poor journal writer in the past few years, so much that this one is lasting from 2010. Opening at the first entries, I started reading here and there and realised a few things.
I’ve been writing about writing for a long time, but my entries were always vague and full of wishes without any real purpose or plan. I admitted to myself that what I want to be in life is a writer only in the past two years.
I already knew, but I was to afraid to say it out loud, let alone pursue my dream. That’s why I made the choice to study something that would have granted me a job, something I liked but wasn’t my true passion. And now I feel like I’ve been only deflected from what I should have done from the beginning.
I like my job but it’s not my dream, and most of the times it feels like it’s distracting me from writing. The best parts of my day are the mornings, before I go to work when I take time to translate or read, my lunch breaks when I mange to write a few hundreds words, and the evenings when I’m at home and I can write and translate at leisure (when I’m not too tired).
Have you ever felt like that?
I constantly feel like that, but I’m trying to figure out a way to change things in due time. At present I can’t quit my job to be a full time writer, I need it to earn money to live, and I fear it will be a long time before I could do something like that.
But there are other things I can do.
First of all: I need to prove to myself (again and again) that I can be a writer by seriously committing my time to that. I’m already doing that somehow, but I need to better use the time I have for writing.
Second: I have a full novel already written. Then what’s the problem, you may ask. The problem is that writing it was the easy part. Now I have to decide what to do. I can’t put it off any longer. I need to send my work out in the world one way or another. That’s why I need to finish the last revision as soon as possible and then decide if trying the traditional route or going for self publishing. I’m bound to make mistakes, but I’ll learn from them for the next time.
One step at a time I want and I will get closer to my dream job.